Of All the Wonders (Appassionato Overdub)
Remix Author: Laura Kaye
Original Story: The Man in the Window Seat by Shayheyred
Summary: A necessary end will come when it will come.
Rating: PG
Fandom: due South
They had walked from the boarding house to the airfield. A little over a kilometer, with a stop for breakfast on the way. An easy distance for men who had grown accustomed to the difficulties of life on the trail, but every step had been a burden.
Ray was leaving.
No, be fair, Ray was going home, to Chicago and his family and the 27th precinct, to clear paved roads and twenty-four hour pizza delivery. Returning to his car and his ex-wife and the new partner that Lt. Welsh had written was waiting for him. Going back to the city whose frenetic energy mirrored his own.
Ray was going back to Chicago, and Fraser was staying in Canada, to take a position in the Territories that seemed tailor-made for his tastes and abilities, and quite likely had been, considering the nuclear submarine episode. He would no longer stifle in the Consulate, losing his edge and his wilderness knowledge to the noisy, dirty chaos of the city. He had never really belonged there.
Ray was going back to Chicago, and Fraser was staying in Canada. They would both be where they belonged.
Ray was leaving him. It was for the best. The close bond of partnership lent itself to false perceptions of emotion, after all, particularly in situations of isolation and danger, where men were men and trees were sparse. Ray had always been a demonstrative man, a brave man. He would not quail at making any declaration there was to be made.
They stood shoulder to shoulder, looking out over the airstrip at the tiny commuter plane. He was holding his hat in one hand.
Ray cleared his throat. "I'm gonna miss you," he said. "You know that, right?"
Then don't go. Stay with me.
"Of course, Ray." His voice was strangled. "I'll miss you too." Nothing was right until you came. It will all be wrong when you're gone.
He forced himself to meet Ray's eyes, and Ray flinched, took a step back at something he saw there.
Desperation, most likely. Desperation and cringing cowardice and bitter self-loathing. Fraser had been called many things in his life, but never a coward. He was a coward now. Ray saw it, and now he couldn't get away fast enough, turning brusquely, shouldering his bag with a light farewell tossed over his shoulder.
Come back, he tried to say, but his throat clenched tight around the words. "Ray," he managed, but Ray was already climbing the steps into the plane and did not turn.
He watched the plane, vague flickers of motion behind the windows, trying to tell which one was Ray, stowing his bag, taking his seat, settling in for the flight. Ray would sleep on the plane, a loose sprawl, not the tucked-up position he'd had to sleep in here to keep himself warm. He'd change planes, flirt with flight attendants, prowl up and down the aisles to expend some of his restless energy. He would go back to his proper place and Fraser would stay here, in his, and it was for the best.
A flight attendant began to close the door, and Fraser dropped his gaze. He didn't want to watch the takeoff, but he couldn't seem to make himself move.
Ray was leaving him. Ray had left.
"Fraser!"
He felt his jaw drop. Had Ray forgotten something?
"…don't want to go, I want to stay. I want to stay with you."
Stay with me.
"Oh," said Fraser, and his throat was closing again, but he was moving towards Ray, he was reaching for Ray and Ray was reaching back. "Thank God, thank God, thank God."
end
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