Or I Could Burn with the Splendor of the Brightest Fire (Black as the Night Remix)
Remix Author: Ekaterinn Duval
Original Story: Lux Aeterna by narie
Summary: Sirius is alien, angry and scared.
Rating: PG-13
Fandom: Harry Potter
I. Quis Custodiet Lupum.
Padfoot leads Moony up the cellar stairs, pausing only to push his wet nose against the opening charm on the door. Out, out of the cold and the dark. To the kitchen, where a bit of the moon shines through the window.
The warm air of the kitchen greets them, and Padfoot whines softly as Moony walks in circles around the space in front of the fireplace, once, twice, before settling down to sleep. Padfoot misses the wildness, the midnight chases, the moon, but he was made to protect Moony, and so he settles down to watch and to wait.
He hears the creaking of the house, old wood wrapped in Dark. The children breathe upstairs, but he watches Moony. Watches him.
A shadow moves, makes noise in the kitchen. Padfoot raises his head, and looks at the tall female figure for several long moments. He can taste her shock and her fear as she spills the water, and represses the desire to snarl at her for intruding on Moony and him. He changes back instead.
He feels stiff and old in his human form, but Sirius rises from the floor to glare at Molly. "You won't tell?"
"No." She says, cleaning up the water.
He crosses the floor, always easy in the dark, and sits down in one of the chairs. It's uncomfortable, and he wants to be back in dog form, instead of making small talk with bloody Molly Weasley. "Sorry about before." He's not sorry at all. "Didn't mean to startle you."
"I... I didn't expect anyone to be here, that's all."
His eyes keep turning to look at Moony, at Remus. He can't help it. Doesn't want to try to. "He doesn't like it when people see him, but it's warmer here, and bigger too. And he's taken Snape's potion, so it's not as if he would hurt anyone. All he does is sleep." Wouldn't do get Remus in trouble, now, not from the likes of Molly Weasley.
She's still flustered. "Do you...do you always do this?"
Sirius pauses. The words tear from his mouth. "No. Usually he'll go somewhere else. Away." Away on those damn trips for the Order, while I'm stuck here. Or not. Remus could spend the full moon wherever he could find shelter. Sirius wouldn't blame him for not wanting to stay at Grimmauld Place, trapped. Restless, he rises from the table and transforms again, lying close to Moony. Padfoot stares at Molly until she leaves, and Sirius cannot find in himself to like her, even though she will not tell.
Even though she is even now tiptoeing through the house, looking in on her family.
Padfoot understands the need to protect too, but Harry is still with those Muggles and he can't very well check on him there. All he can do is to watch Moony, feeling himself flash back to chases through dark forests, the wind behind him, the moon in front of him, and his friends around him.
II. Omnia Mutantur.
The morning after the full moon, Sirius helps Remus stumble into the big musty bed. Even though Remus slept all night while Sirius watched, Sirius is more awake, tracing Remus's back with his fingers. Thanks to the potion, there are no new scars for him to learn. The scars of the last decade are enough.
Remus is shivering under the heavy covers, aftereffects of the transformation, and so Sirius wraps his arms around him and tries not to shake himself. Sometimes he wonders whether he's not only twenty after all, living with Remus, working with the Order, and the past fifteen years only a bad dream.
But then he fears for Harry, the center of a war that should have ended a generation ago. He worries about Remus too, who is now so different from the laughing bookish boy he knew. And he's tired of hiding, of running. Remus's breaths even out as he slips back into sleep, and Sirius matches them, letting the familiarity of this body overtake the strangeness of his mind.
III. Ecce Homo
Sirius wakes, sweaty from having spent the night under the duvet. Still twined around Remus, still human. Disentangling himself, he goes to get dressed and downstairs, quietly, not wanting to wake Remus.
Sirius watches Molly go in and out of the kitchen, cleaning. He doesn't offer to help. When he gets too bored, he fills in the crossword in the paper with dirty words.
Sirius makes Remus a vegetarian sandwich, when he comes downstairs at last, because his tolerance for meat disappears after the full moon.
Sirius feels Molly's eyes on him, somewhat approving for once, and wonders if she is thinking about last night, but doesn't turn around.
Sirius is waiting, and not just for the Order meeting tonight, but for this strange calm to break, for the war to begin.
IV. Spero Melior
At the meeting, he doesn't say much. When Tonks and Bill offer to Harry-watch, he clenches his fists. Remus reaches over and strokes one knuckle discreetly, soothingly, and it's a bit better because at least Remus can still read him in this. Dumbledore announces Remus's next mission and Remus smiles apologetically at him, and he is reminded that he is trapped here, unable to do anything for the Order, for Harry.
He moves his hand away from Remus's. Dumbledore is talking about sacrifices, about the prophecy, about the risks that must be taken. Molly Weasley looks anxious and troubled, and he could almost feel sorry for her, except he's nearly apoplectic himself. These are real people you're talking about, you mad fool! He wants to shout. This is Harry. But he's afraid it'll come out as a bark, and Severus will sneer at him, and Molly would look at him with pity, and Remus would just smile, and say, Do be reasonable, Sirius.
He was never that good with reason, and he has lost so much. But he still has his heart, however much the Dementors tried to drain it, and he swears right there and then that he will protect Harry and Remus beyond all reason, beyond all sanity. He will kidnap them and take them to that South American Island, he will crush Wormtail with his bare hands, regardless of Harry's wishes, he will duel Voldemort and all his Death Eaters and die himself, all before he'll let them be used as sacrifices.
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Or I Could Burn with the Splendor of the Brightest Fire (Black as the Night Remix)
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